Robert on Aging, Queerness, and the OutstandingLife Community

“Being an older gay man means often feeling invisible,” Robert says. “And I’m a big guy—hard
to miss! But once you’re past a certain age, people look right through you, even in queer spaces.
You start to feel like the room was designed for someone else.”
Robert grew up in the Bronx and later New Jersey. He studied theater and acting before building
a career as a sign language interpreter, teacher, and researcher. “I never would have predicted this
path,” he says, “but it’s been a great fit.”

He notices invisibility most in media and nightlife. “Ads—especially HIV/PrEP ads—skew
young and shredded. Older queer bodies almost never show up unless it’s someone famous like
Nathan Lane or Ian McKellen. And in bars, if an older gay man talks to a younger guy, the
assumption can be… ulterior motives. Sometimes I just want to talk music or theater without
anyone reading it as a pickup.”

History deepens that feeling. “We lost a generation to AIDS. For many who came out in the ’80s
and ’90s, grief shaped our twenties. Then years later, parents start dying and it reopens things
you didn’t expect. Younger queer folks don’t always get to see what their own future might look
like because those elders aren’t around—or aren’t visible. That’s why spaces like Outstanding
Life matter: we’re here, still living, still laughing, still building community.”

Robert found Outstanding Life on Facebook. “I used to be out with friends multiple nights a
week, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a homebody. Having something online, low-
barrier, and easy to connect with has been incredibly helpful. This way, I can drop in from home
and still feel connected.”

The intergenerational program was the first he joined. “I think we have a mix—some people
retired, some not. We do all kinds of silly online games, like Mad Libs, and Amy [the program
director] will even come up with storyboards where you create a story. Honestly, I’d never sit
around doing Mad Libs in person, but online it just works, we all jump in and have fun.”
Programs like the grief group are especially meaningful. “My father died in 2020, and then my
mother two years later. It stirred up memories of losing friends during the AIDS crisis. The group
gave me a safe space to talk about it, or just to listen. Joelle, who leads it, has such calming
energy that even on Zoom your blood pressure drops. It was exactly what I needed.”

Now, as a board member, Robert sees opportunities to strengthen Outstanding Life even further.
“With more resources, we could expand programs, maybe add some in-person gatherings, and
reach more people. Partnering with councils on aging, assisted living communities, and other
organizations would also help spread the word. Too often, older LGBTQ people feel invisible or
even pressured to go back into the closet. Outstanding Life gives them visibility, community, and
hope.”

When asked what he’d say to someone new, Robert keeps it simple: “Are you tired of talking to
the same people? Do you want to connect with LGBTQ folks like you, outside of a hookup app?
Outstanding Life is a place to make real friendships, to laugh, share stories, and just belong.”
“It’s become part of my life,” he says. “Something I look forward to. The beauty is in its
simplicity—low effort, high connection. We need more spaces like this for older queer people.”
Your donation to OutstandingLife will help reduce isolation and help older LGBTQ+ adults be
seen. We also hope you or someone you know will join our community. All programs are free.